Markita's Musings.......

I have not wrote on here in a while I think I am ready to commit myself to this. I'm kind of tired of pen and paper, I need a new forum. In this new forum I want to be completely transparent and honest. I WANT TO BE ME!!!!

Have you ever thought about how hard it is just to be yourself. From the time you come out of the womb people are trying to impose themselves on you. Mom wants you to be a lawyer and dad wants you to be doctor. And grandma has her wishes for you, etc etc etc. Then teachers have expectations. Everybody means well, but it is easy to become lost in that. Some people rebel early on in their life for the good or the bad. Some others like myself try to please everyone including myself, but now I feel trapped in fear. If don't do this then this will happen or if I don't that then this will happen. Man today the thought crossed my mind to walk away from it all. Would I starve or have to live on the streets? I doubt it, things would have to become really really bad for that to happen. God would have to fall off the throne or something and that ain't happenin'!!! Which leads me to ask "what's up with me, why am I so uptight?" Why can't I just lay down and trust God, through and through, out and out. WHY? Don't get me wrong I have worked through a lot of my issues over the last few years, but I want to be completely free!!! Too much such still bothers me, I'm too easily knocked off my square.

I don't want end on a negative note, I have to believe what a friend said to me last and that is , "We have the VICTORY in JESUS!"